We are all a little jacked up: If you've ever heard my dad speak, you have probably been startled by the use of his favorite
phrase, "jacked up." It doesn't matter if he is speaking to a room
full of strangers on a cruise ship or across a pulpit to a church congregation;
he commonly uses this brutally realistic phrase. I think that is why so many
people relate to my dad’s content — it is just so real! Coming from my dad,
this phrase “jacked up” refers the fact that all human beings carry around some
form of extra baggage in their lives. Whether the baggage is caused by
past guilt, fears, addictions or secrets, he has taught me that "people
whose hands are full of baggage have a harder time carrying the load of
others." As a teenage girl experiencing typical high school drama, my dad
was always quick to remind me that the issues we had as friends weren’t because
people were intentionally trying to be mean but rather because we were just
simply “jacked up.” He would also remind me that people that hurt other people
are usually hurting themselves. Learning this from a young age has helped me to
always try to give people the benefit of the doubt before choosing to be
offended.
Live in the now: My dad is known for encouraging his clients to
say, "I'm in!" before each relationship workshop. What this means is
that you are committed to living in the now, that you are present in the moment
and ready to learn. My dad is so good at living in the now. My transition to
college was a hard one. I went from high school where I felt like I was a
"somebody", to a university with 30,000 talented, smart and beautiful
people. I would often call my dad discouraged and lost. He would lovingly point
out that many of my concerns came from the fact that I was living out of the
past or aspiring to create a great future. Then he would gently urge me
to "Show up in the now!" He would remind me that "right
now, in this moment, is the only time you have to offer what you can to the
world. In the now is where the peace resides and where we’re closest to
God."
The space between us matters most: My dad has taught me the power of relationships by sharing one of his favorite quotes by Noah benShea: "It is the silence between the notes that makes the music; it is the space between the bars that holds the tiger." So many times in my life we become consumed in our own struggles, stresses and successes that we find ourselves taking those around us for granted. My dad would always point out that no matter how many people I have in my life, the real key to a good life is to focus on what happens in the space between myself and all of the people around me. My dad would always joke that "iron bars on the cages at the zoo are pretty important, but if the bars are spaced 10 feet apart from one another, then I would leave the zoo as quickly as possible." The same rule is true in our lives. If I have dozens of people in my life, and I’m not very close or connected to them, then it’s time to stop gathering friends and start connecting with them. This life isn’t easy and we need the companionship of those around us to draw on in both the good times and the bad.
Become the change: My dad has a real knack for identifying the
talents and gifts in others. It is one of the things I am very most grateful
for. At several stages while growing up, my dad would point out my strengths
and help guide and direct me to which path I should take. Early on he
recognized a passion and talent in me for writing and public speaking and even
urged me to join the high school debate team. After qualifying for state in debate,
my dad started joking that he regretted encouraging this talent because now he
can never win an argument at home. I vividly remember when he challenged me to
stop watching the rest of the world as it passed by and to develop my own
talents and follow the advice of Ghandi who said: "One must become the
change he seeks in the world." I am grateful that my dad, whose parents
divorced when he was eight, didn’t just sit around sad because of the
separation, but instead he became the relationship change he wanted to see in
the world.


BYU Universe Link: http://universe.byu.edu/2014/06/12/a-tribute-to-dad-5-lessons-we-learned-from-our-fathers1/
Townsend Relationship Center: http://matttownsend.com/



I love you dad, Happy Father's Day!